When asked three words that define me, the first word that comes to my mind is overcautious. I am a person who takes forever to perform an experiment and produces ordinary results. I am a person who can never make an artwork out of the fear of spilling the paint.
Like all normal children, I was also not a huge fan of eating vegetables in my childhood. (Maybe that explains my skinniness.) My mother fed me with Ghee Shakkar. I really liked eating Shakkar. But I was always afraid of running out of Shakkar while a piece of roti remained in my hand. Thus, I was always cautious about it. I took a large piece of bread with little Shakkar to save it. And mostly, what happened was that I ran out of rotis, and shakkar remained. Next time, I was cautious of running out of roti and only roti remained. It never worked out for me; I never learned.
As I grew up, this habit persisted. This winter, I noticed an insight about myself. (First, I need to set up the environment.) I live in a village, so warm water doesn’t come from a tap in my bathroom. I must take warm water from chulha and walk one mile to the bathroom. (Sarcasm!) I am always afraid that I will catch a cold if I don’t take enough warm water. So, I take too much warm water with me. In the bathroom, I observe that even with the vessel full, the water is not normal enough. And I have to spill the excess water. (Not to mention mummy ke raule.)
My coffee is always either too bitter or too sweet. My paper either finishes too early or questions remain unattended. The list is too long, and I want to get to the point quickly.
And that affected my life majorly. In my first year of college, I liked a girl. This was my first experience with an opposite gender since I studied in a boys’ school. I was so cautious about it that I couldn’t even talk to her, leave away expressing my love. I restrained myself from talking to her and complimenting her with the fear that she might think of me as a creep. Honestly, I didn’t even know the meaning of the word creep. This went on. I tried to behave normally around my crush. In that attempt, I refused to go out with her when the opportunity presented itself.
Well, either she knew about my feelings and didn’t think I was capable enough, or she was unaware. But the situation remains this: It never worked out between us. She soon got into a relationship with another boy. I like to say that I waited for her for the next three years but the reality is that Covid hit India, and I spent that time in my room only.
I learned that to tell a girl that you are interested in them, you have to show it. So, the next time I started talking to a girl (online this time), I made it obvious that I liked her. She kept refusing all the time, stating that we were better as just friends. It went on for six months and ended with her blocking me. I spent the next week crying in front of my roommate.
This has been the story of my love life since then. I have talked to many girls. Either I couldn’t talk with them at all, or I spoke too much and got kicked out. I could never find the balance. And that’s why I have never dated a girl in my life yet. I am at the end of my academics and probably start a job this year. Where high school students are couples nowadays, I finished my studies without dating at all.
It has become my core philosophy about love now. Either be patient and watch your love going on dates with another boy (s). Or be impatient and make them feel like I would fall for every other girl.
While writing this article, I am waiting for the water in my maggie to boil. Do you know why? Because it is harder to clean the cattle if the maggie sticks to the bottom, and to avoid that, I put too much water in it. I guess that I will have noodle soup today.
Happy Rose Day!